Lesley (feat. Ruelle)

[00:10.37] Look, they say the universe, it works in a strange way
[00:13.98] And it must be true because we ain't from
[00:15.93] The same background or same place
[00:19.33] But me and Lesley ended up on theat same train
[00:22.38] I'm talkin' every day
[00:24.06] I used to wake up around seven or eight
[00:26.62] To catch the 9:06 to Norbury station
[00:29.67] Two different worlds in the same location
[00:32.63] One day we ended up speaking
[00:35.36] And I would talk about college
[00:36.70] She would talk about meetings
[00:38.67] And how she's plannin' on leavin'
[00:40.44] How she hates what she does
[00:42.06] But she needs it
[00:43.36] I asked her what she would do
[00:44.71] When it's the weekend
[00:45.99] But she said, she said
[00:48.43] "I don't know myself
[00:51.22] I don't know myself no more"
[00:54.77] She used to be the life of the party for true
[00:57.52] But now she goin' out hardly ever
[00:59.93] Her man got her in the yard forever
[01:01.74] And her friends wanna help
[01:03.13] But it's hard to tell her
[01:04.49] Hard to let her know that
[01:05.89] Her man's possessive and aggressive
[01:08.49] And she can't even see it
[01:09.86] But for them it's clear as day
[01:11.46] She's in a situation
[01:12.84] Her friend Hannah had a man that was manipulative
[01:15.75] So she can see it from a mile off
[01:18.54] Turtle-neck jumpers, make-up around the eye spots
[01:21.22] All the signs were there
[01:22.77] But Leslie made it seem a light affair
[01:25.18] Said it wasn't right to share
[01:26.60] Her boyfriend he was a mystery man
[01:28.64] I didn't know much about him
[01:30.00] But he's been in the can
[01:31.37] Name's Jason, he's a bad boy with no reasonin'
[01:34.76] To be honest, I don't know what Les sees in him
[01:37.17] 'Cause she's a good girl with a sweet heart
[01:40.27] But they both got demons in the deep past
[01:42.83] You know opposites attract, apparently
[01:45.50] Never heard her talk about her family ever, uh-uh
[01:48.93] He was all that she had
[01:50.30] Until they had an argument
[01:51.42] And he stopped callin' her back
[01:52.83] And I don't know if there was
[01:54.24] More to the story than that
[01:55.64] 'Cause she plays things down
[01:56.91] But according to that
[01:58.26] He went missing one day
[01:59.58] In the morning, he ran
[02:00.96] She's doin' over-time
[02:02.09] Struggling affordin' a flat
[02:03.47] 'Til she lost her job
[02:04.95] It fucked all of her plans
[02:06.48] Couldn't pay the rent
[02:07.54] Borrowin' and callin' for cash
[02:09.02] But Hannah, she was there for her
[02:11.12] Cared for her
[02:12.88] When I saw Les, she told me
[02:14.77] "I don't know myself
[02:17.45] I don't know myself no more"
[02:20.56] Les sayin' "I got nothin' to live for
[02:22.75] It's been raw but, David,
[02:24.14] I ain't ever been this poor
[02:25.40] There's no income
[02:26.86] My boyfriend left me
[02:28.31] So how the fuck am I gonna
[02:29.47] Survive when this kid's born?"
[02:30.83] And I said, "It's a blessing, as mad as it is
[02:33.39] And, Les, I never even
[02:34.61] Knew that you were havin' a kid"
[02:35.94] Bro, she's four months pregnant
[02:37.52] Young and neglected
[02:39.01] Single, but I don't think
[02:40.56] She wants to accept it
[02:41.67] So she's still textin' exes
[02:43.25] Tryna get this back on track
[02:45.51] But I don't think that she gets it
[02:49.37] It's emotional obsession
[02:50.92] Clinical depression
[02:52.59] Life is a lesson
[02:55.33] And you ain't gotta sit and cry
[02:58.02] 'Cause Lesley, livin' in this gift called life
[03:00.57] There's no better gift than the gift of life
[03:03.09] So, can you handle it?"
[03:06.40]
[03:08.50] "I don't know myself
[03:11.51] I don't know myself no more"
[03:15.12] But that changed here perspective
[03:17.02] Late in December
[03:18.20] Her baby's expected to drop
[03:19.89] She's accepted, excited, electric, pumped
[03:22.86] Only gotta wait a few months
[03:24.66] Her and Hannah had lunch
[03:26.24] Told her she's pregnant
[03:28.31] And they're the closest of bredren
[03:30.17] So she didn't stop to tell her
[03:32.11] I think that's it's an error
[03:33.32] You ain't a mum for a day
[03:34.84] You're a mum forever
[03:35.84] Whatever, and you and
[03:37.01] Jason break up whenever
[03:38.65] If I'm honest, that's something
[03:39.88] You shoulda done together
[03:41.23] She doesn't know that her and
[03:42.76] Jason goin' out again
[03:43.75] And Jason doesn't know that
[03:44.89] Lesley's carrying a child for them
[03:46.72] She had daydreams of settlin' down with Jason
[03:49.26] Better 'cause now they're together it's wild
[03:51.87] Feelin' like she needs to call her friends and tell 'em
[03:53.85] 'Cause, while she's lettin' 'em down
[03:55.36] But most of them are never around
[03:56.70] She calls Hannah the next day
[04:00.07] Still tryna figure out the best way to tell her
[04:02.93] That she's gettin' back together with her ex flame
[04:06.30] So she left her a voicemail
[04:08.27] Like "Yo, Hannah, it's Les
[04:09.85] Can you call me back?
[04:11.62] I wanna talk about the baby
[04:13.40] You, me, Jason, all of that
[04:16.45] I been feelin' like
[04:17.51] I need to get my aura back
[04:19.57] I used to be so fuckin' confident
[04:21.71] But these days, I swear that
[04:24.36] I don't know myself
[04:27.19] I don't know myself no more"
[04:29.79] It's 3:30
[04:31.17] Lesley was meant to get a scan
[04:32.70] But today I think she's goin' home early
[04:34.83] Tryna talk to Jason, tell him 'bout the kid
[04:37.41] Addressing any reservations
[04:39.12] Have that conversation
[04:40.58] Middle of the summer and it's rainin'
[04:42.50] Waitin' at the train station
[04:44.46] Hella cancellations, so she gets a taxi
[04:47.05] Sittin' in the back seat
[04:48.55] Blue jean jacket and a maxi
[04:50.65] Actually tired and her legs are achin'
[04:52.88] Touched her destination
[04:54.42] Way faster that the cab driver's estimation
[04:56.82] She put the key in the door
[04:59.13] She couldn't believe
[05:00.18] What she see on the floor
[05:01.74] Some size-five trainers
[05:03.31] Ragin', tears in her eyes, but it's cool
[05:05.82] 'Cause they must be the neighbour's
[05:07.23] And Jason's in the bedroom, fully naked
[05:09.88] Lesley's runnin' up the stairs
[05:11.97] But she's makin' noise
[05:13.46] And she can hear Jason's voice sayin'
[05:15.69] "Hide in the closet"
[05:16.53] But he's made his choice
[05:17.88] So she bursts in
[05:19.26] Sayin', "What kind of person
[05:20.86] Would cheat on his pregnant girlfriend?"
[05:23.23] Jason sayin', "What the fuck?
[05:24.85] You're pregnant?
[05:25.74] What the fuck?
[05:26.70] You weren't even gonna tell me
[05:27.96] I mean, what the fuck
[05:29.47] What d'you want from us?
[05:31.31] Nah, you ain't in love
[05:33.38] You just wanna love
[05:34.85] Lesley tellin' Jason,"I don't wanna love
[05:37.71] I don't want a you-and-I, I don't want a us
[05:40.33] And also, I don't wanna talk loads
[05:42.61] One more line, before
[05:43.87] I dash like Morse code
[05:45.39] Open the wardrobe"
[05:49.19] And Jason's on the edge
[05:50.59] "I just wanna see if she was prettier than me
[05:52.92] Slimmer than me
[05:53.73] Maybe your baby's similar to me
[05:55.88] Maybe you wanted someone thicker than me
[05:58.25] Fitter than me
[05:59.04] To satisfy you quicker than me
[06:01.00] I got your baby in my stomach
[06:02.49] And you did this to me
[06:03.62] What did I ever do to you
[06:05.08] For you to finish with me?
[06:06.15] I didn't believe my girls
[06:07.62] But they were thinkin' of me
[06:09.01] And give it to me,
[06:10.22] The wardrobe, give me the key"
[06:11.79] I was pullin' at the door
[06:13.07] But Jason's bigger than me
[06:14.35] Literally, I remember viscerally
[06:17.04] Jason pullin' from behind me
[06:18.51] Now he's grippin' on me
[06:19.75] White flashes, eye gashes
[06:21.10] When he's hittin' me, see
[06:22.58] I just wanted to disappear
[06:23.86] I wasn't livin' for me
[06:25.18] Physically, I shut the fuckin' doors
[06:26.84] Quick as could be
[06:27.98] He's outside, askin' why
[06:29.32] I made him do what he did
[06:30.65] Using a kick to open up the room that I'm in
[06:33.06] I'm feelin' afraid, barricaded
[06:34.61] With a chair in the handle
[06:36.15] I'm hearin' sirens
[06:37.55] I just wanna run away, but I can't
[06:38.63] Jason's gone by the time
[06:40.18] Police have come and they saw that there
[06:41.54] Ain't no one else in the house
[06:42.89] The feds are runnin' through the door, shoutin'
[06:44.72] "We have reports of an argument with a woman"
[06:46.74] There's blood all over the floor
[06:48.18] And it's splattered onto the wall
[06:49.65] Lesley's on the bed and she's tryna speak to the feds
[06:52.33] She's deep in the stress
[06:53.53] And there's metres above her head
[06:54.98] If anything she couldn't even say anything
[06:57.85] But she's got this really sharp pain where her belly is
[07:00.45] So they call an ambulance
[07:01.97] Lesley even had planned for this
[07:03.42] Police are in the room tryna
[07:04.61] Find the missing piece of the puzzle
[07:06.31] Until they stumble on somethin' that's kinda random
[07:08.14] It's a phone, in the wardrobe
[07:13.46] It had five missed calls from Jason
[07:16.02] And also a couple other numbers
[07:17.92] So they're thinkin' that it's no help
[07:20.63] Until they play the voicemail
[07:22.41] Like "Yo, Hannah, it's Les
[07:24.17] Can you call me back?
[07:25.82] I wanna talk about the baby
[07:27.53] You, me, Jason, all of that
[07:30.63] I been feelin' like I need to get my aura back
[07:33.38] I used to be so fuckin' confident
[07:36.05] But these days, I swear that
[07:38.39] I don't know myself
[07:41.34] I don't know myself no more"
[07:43.99] She felt sick to her stomach, she started panickin'
[07:46.77] Mind rattlin', tryna understand what Hannah did
[07:49.28] Battlin' the shame 'cause the situation embarrassin'
[07:51.98] Tryna fathom it, betrayed by her own garrison
[07:54.70] Meanwhile, she's on the deck
[07:56.43] Tryna manage this piercing
[07:57.87] Pain in her stomach
[07:58.96] She couldn't handle it
[08:00.56] Now she's waiting for an ambulance
[08:04.92] Look, and I know she's strong
[08:07.64] But when I heard about
[08:08.72] What happened I was over-shocked
[08:10.37] Her nose was gone
[08:11.41] Her jawline shattered and rot
[08:13.15] They said her baby was
[08:14.38] The reason she was holdin' on
[08:15.83] She's dozing off
[08:16.99] Doctors gettin' no response
[08:18.55] Her heart rate's slowin' down
[08:20.06] And they don't know what's wrong
[08:21.31] Picked her up, got her out of the home
[08:23.38] And on to the stretcher for good measure
[08:25.47] But she's fading out, uh
[08:27.09] She took damage to the brain
[08:29.01] And now she's in a coma as we speak
[08:30.80] But I ain't sure if she can make it out
[08:32.53] You see, this time that
[08:33.59] I'm takin' out to tell you the story
[08:35.76] Is more that a song or track
[08:37.32] It's a message to a woman with a toxic man
[08:40.03] I'm beggin' you to get support
[08:41.55] If you're lost or trapped
[08:42.80] I understand that I can never under-stand
[08:45.21] And I ain't sayin' that it's easy but it must be right
[08:48.14] Some of your sisters, aunties
[08:49.90] Mums or wives are fucked inside
[08:51.74] And they won't ever touch on why
[08:53.52] I'm touched, 'cause I've seen
[08:54.67] Women that are loved or liked
[08:56.31] Cry a little red tear through a bloodshot eye
[08:58.73] This shit's awful
[08:59.82] No matter what culture, it ain't normal
[09:01.93] Men try and twist it and make it seem like it's your fault
[09:04.91] In that train full of people that you're takin'
[09:07.44] How many Lesley's are runnin' from their Jasons?
[09:10.98]
[09:18.48] Angel without wings
[09:23.00] Like the day without the night
[09:25.28] To bring her peace
[09:28.78] A song without a voice
[09:31.85] A spark without a flame
[09:34.54] A child without a name
[09:38.29] Oh it's just wrong
[09:41.54] Like an ocean without a shore
[09:44.61] A soldier without a war
[09:47.19] How can we do this anymore?
[09:51.56] A song without a voice
[09:54.82] A spark without a flame
[09:57.22] A child without a name
[10:01.04] Oh it's just wrong
[10:05.43]
[10:22.88] Well, we've made a massive amount
[10:25.34] Of progress in this last year, haven't we?
[10:29.28] Feels like a long journey
[10:32.54] And I must say it's been a pleasure
[10:34.54] To watch you mature and grow
[10:37.00] In thought and in your career and life
[10:41.09] You've opened up immensely
[10:44.45] I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't miss these sessions
[10:48.14] But you know, you can never stop learning about yourself
[10:54.41] So you're always welcome
[10:58.13] I'm just happy you're at a place now
[11:00.06] Where you feel you understand your emotions
[11:05.05] And are in control
[11:06.46]