The Kids

[00:00.42] And everyone should get along
[00:04.72] Okay children, quiet down, quiet down
[00:06.85] Children, I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day
[00:11.22] His name is Mr. Shady
[00:13.46] Chidren, quiet down please
[00:15.20] Brian, don't throw that (shut up)
[00:17.29] Mr. Shady will be your new substitute while
[00:19.85] Mr. Kaniff is out with Pneumonia (he's got AIDS)
[00:22.18] Good luck Mr. Shady
[00:23.49] Hi there, little boys and girls (fuck you)
[00:25.85] Today we're going to learn how to poison squirrels
[00:27.84] But first I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (huh?)
[00:30.14] Say hi, Bob (Hi Bob)
[00:31.64] Bob's thirty and still lives with his mom
[00:33.35] He don't got a job cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot
[00:35.88] But his twelve year old brother looks up to him an awful lot
[00:38.44] And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
[00:41.11] And wait in the parking lot for waitresses off the clock
[00:43.97] When it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog
[00:46.52] Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping block (Ah)
[00:49.32] And even if they escaped and they got the cops
[00:51.84] The ladies would all be so afraid they would drop the charge
[00:54.56] Til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job
[00:57.17] When she felt someone grab hold her whole face and said not to talk
[00:59.89] But Stacey knew it was Bob and said "Knock it off"
[01:02.28] But Bob wouldn't knock it off, cause he's crazy and off his rocker
[01:04.92] Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka
[01:07.62] You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a doctor
[01:10.78] He grabbed Stace' by the legs as he chopped it off her
[01:12.98] And dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her
[01:16.00] But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander
[01:18.20] They never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner
[01:20.86] And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana
[01:23.43] And what it might do to you
[01:24.76] So see if the squirrels want any, it's bad for you
[01:26.82] See, children, drugs are bad (come on)
[01:29.05] And if you don't believe me, ask your dad (raise your hand)
[01:32.35] And if you don't believe him, ask your mom (that's right)
[01:34.38] She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)
[01:36.97] So kids say no to drugs (that's right)
[01:39.06] So you don't act like everyone else does (uh huh)
[01:41.77] Then there's really nothin' else to say (sing along)
[01:44.66] Drugs are just bad, m'kay?
[01:47.02] My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?
[01:49.71] Fuck no you aint seen it, it's the size of a peanut (Huh?)
[01:52.55] Speakin' of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?
[01:55.04] Ectasy, it's the worst drug in the world
[01:57.88] If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it
[02:00.15] Kids, two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid
[02:02.89] And spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back
[02:05.02] So don't get attatched, it'll attack every bone in your back
[02:07.68] Meet Zach, twenty one years old
[02:10.13] After hanging out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold
[02:13.19] And decides to try five when he's bribed by five guys
[02:15.95] And peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it
[02:18.94] Suddenly, he starts to convulse
[02:20.87] And his pulse goes into hyperdrive
[02:22.17] And his eyes roll back in his skull (blblblblblb)
[02:24.16] His back starts to, look like the McDonalds arches
[02:26.26] He's on Donald's carpet, layin' horizontal barfin' (Bleh)
[02:29.06] And everyone in the apartment starts laughin' at him
[02:31.65] "Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him!"
[02:34.56] Cause they took it too, so they think it's funny
[02:36.62] So they're laughing at basically nothing
[02:38.29] Except maybe wasting their money
[02:39.73] Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over
[02:42.35] And his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicing yoga
[02:45.24] And that's the story of Zach "The Ecstasy maniac"
[02:47.78] So, don't even feed that to squirrels, class, cause it's bad for you
[02:50.73] See, children, drugs are bad (that's right)
[02:52.92] And if you don't believe me, ask your dad (that's right)
[02:55.54] And if you don't believe him, ask your mom (you can)
[02:58.70] She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)
[03:01.48] So kids say no to drugs (smoke crack)
[03:03.77] So you don't act like everyone else does (that's right)
[03:06.02] And there's really nothing else to say (But umm...)
[03:09.43] Drugs are just bad, m'kay?
[03:11.22] And last but not least
[03:12.71] One of the most humongous
[03:13.99] Problems among young people today is fungus
[03:16.31] It grows from cow manure
[03:17.73] They pick it out, wipe if off, bag it up
[03:19.87] And you put it right in your mouth and chew it
[03:21.65] Yum, yum
[03:22.72] And then you start to see some dumb stuff
[03:24.62] And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em
[03:26.88] And sometimes you see things that aren't there (like what?)
[03:29.79] Like fat women in G-strings with orange hair
[03:32.30] (Mr. Shady, what's a g-string?) It's yarn, Claire
[03:34.63] Women stick them up their behinds go out and wear 'em (Hu?)
[03:37.46] And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms
[03:40.16] Whoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungus
[03:43.29] Your tongue gets all swoll up like a cow's tongue
[03:45.32] (How come?) Cause it comes from a cow's dump (Gross!)
[03:48.38] See, drugs are bad, it's a common fact
[03:50.18] But your mom and dad know that's all that I'm good at (Oh!)
[03:53.06] But don't be me, cause if you grow up and go and OD
[03:55.83] They're gonna come for me, and I'm gonna have to grow a goatee
[03:58.53] And get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my fault
[04:01.04] So don't drugs and do exactly as I don't, cause I'm bad for you
[04:04.47] See, children, drugs are bad (uh huh)
[04:06.75] And if you don't believe me, ask your dad (put that down)
[04:09.69] And if you don't believe him, ask your mom (you can ask)
[04:12.08] She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (and she will)
[04:14.73] So kids say no to drugs (say no)
[04:17.56] So you don't act like everyone else does (like I do)
[04:19.80] And there's really nothing else to say (that's right)
[04:22.57] Drugs are just bad, m'kay?
[04:25.38] Come on children, clap along (Shut up!)
[04:27.71] Sing along, children, (Suck my motherfuckin dick!) come on, clap along
[04:31.07] Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad (South Park is gonna sue me!)
[04:35.30] So don't do drugs (Suck my motherfuckin' ass!)
[04:38.75] So there'll be more for me (Hippie! God damnit!)
[04:41.34] (Mushrooms killed Kenny!...Ewww, ahhh!)
[04:49.15] (So, fucked up, right now)
[04:52.58]