His Story

I'm noble
Often found in the quiet hands of people from all walks
Rich, poor, humble, or grand
A treasure for those who explore far and wide
I carry their fortunes with wealth as my guide
I speak of great cities, power, and fame
Or honour divine in a more sacred name
The wise cherish my silent way of revealing knowledge in truth
Without ever speaking
Though many chase after the path I've paved
Sometimes the footprints I leave can fade
Who am I?

Today, I'm sixteen years old
I have half of a ham sandwich in my pocket
I forget my phone number
I remember instead the etymology of the word 'person'
The snowflakes falling on my face feel like ambulances
I realise, that if I was to die here
Nobody would know for a really long time
Because of the largeness of this least likely of all possible worlds
On the drive out, we don't see anything for hours
Not a single thing, living or dead
Just a road going through an endless desert
With grey mountains in the distance, that never get closer
For some reason
I sing Christmas carols to myself and cry without tears
What am I doing here?
What is that car doing there, and why is it on fire?

My friend, whose name I've forgotten
And who I think has since moved on
Is recording a video for his wife
He is describing everything he sees
As if he's seeing it for the first time in his life
Out of the blue
He tells me that he thinks she is sleeping with her ski instructor
I decide then, that I should become a ski instructor
I smoke a cigarette, and feel the future with my nose
It is still attached to my face
I see long nights in cheap hotels
I hear quotes taken out of context
I see laughter and loneliness
I see boredom and anxiety
I must stop being a ghost
I must sneak back onto Earth
I don't like the fact that God moves in mysterious ways
Today, I am nineteen years old
Julio comes up to me in a club in Paris
And tells me that the sky is blue
And the dead are coming back to life

He goes back to the bathroom to do more coke
And his girlfriend
Whose father produces a very popular film franchise
Asks me if I wanna sleep with her
I feel disgusted
I am twelve years old, in a long ballroom full of people older than me
They are staring at me and clapping
I climb down off the stage
My cousin Chris finds me
And gives me my first cigarette, and laughs, and ruffles my hair
And tells me that a man that likes to lie down is happy
And brags about all the money he's making
I am the pizza and gravy from my school cafeteria
I am the burger bar coleslaw
For where is my tree?
Where exactly is the window in my prison cell?
I dream, but when I wake, will I still be here?
Am I the chihuahua walking on the plates and glasses on my table
Will I eat cucumber salad tomorrow?
Is that why I'm so happy?
Today I feel old
Today I sat in the sun and told myself secrets I won't remember
Today, it is possible to survive