Not My Own

[00:06.74] I've had enough. I've had enough
[00:10.44] I've taken all this time in my head
[00:13.69] No further along; I can't resolve
[00:16.99] Stop wondering, "Why?"
[00:18.06] It's such a silly question
[00:20.54] Pardon my misdirection
[00:23.71] I tend to deflect when I'm feeling threatened
[00:26.63] I know I'm just a bag of bones, so then why the ache inside
[00:33.86] My life is NOT MY OWN, or at least not what it seems
[00:39.55] The child before with brightest dreams
[00:42.85] Awoken to unflinching reality
[00:46.40] I can claim I have control, but the truth never listens to you or me
[00:52.86] The sooner that I am crushed by time, the sooner I can finally be set free
[00:59.40] Can we be free
[01:14.49] Remember Katie back in high school
[01:15.66] And the way she smiled and smelled when she flipped her hair
[01:17.89] Remember staring at the ceiling and the pit inside your stomach
[01:19.77] When you found out she doesn't care and
[01:21.32] Remember listening to your best friend tell her abuser that she will "be alright" and
[01:24.62] Remember feeling like a feeling maybe felt a little freeing but forgot that you were
[01:26.97] Dead inside
[01:28.16] I've got perspective now and the world isn't so small
[01:33.94] But this reality makes me just not "want"
[01:37.96] Want to live at all
[01:41.41] My life is NOT MY OWN, or at least not what it seems
[01:47.16] The child before with brightest dreams
[01:50.48] Awoken to unflinching reality
[01:54.06] I can claim I have control, but the truth never listens to you or me
[02:00.65] The sooner that I am crushed by time, the sooner I can finally be set free
[02:07.13] Can we be free
[02:20.74] I'm at the ending
[02:22.50] I see my family
[02:24.28] But we're not broken
[02:25.95] We are mending
[02:27.69] And all my loved ones
[02:29.33] They are surrounding
[02:30.98] The fear inside my heart, escaping
[02:34.31] And suffering has lost its meaning
[02:37.76] And grief and joy they are both dancing
[02:41.05] I hold them close and tell them "I'm sorry"
[02:44.56] And they just smile and say
[02:47.12] "You were never alone."
[02:55.75] Alone
[03:03.13] "This life is cruel, but has potential"
[03:06.52] "There's something greater than we know."
[03:09.94] "Why have meaning when there's no meaning?"
[03:13.20] "The evolution of our understanding."
[03:16.50] Creating purpose where pain resided
[03:20.01] And telling ourselves that it's normal
[03:23.42] If this is "living" then tell me
[03:26.13] What do I do now
[03:32.69] Do we all just carry on
[03:39.68] Can we all just carry on
[03:46.77] My life is NOT MY OWN, or at least not what it seems
[03:52.25] The child before with brightest dreams
[03:56.60] Awoken to unflinching reality
[03:59.23] I can claim I have control, but the truth never listens to you or me
[04:05.64] The sooner that I am crushed by time, the sooner I can finally be set free
[04:39.16] Can we be free
[04:41.60]