Better off Broken

[00:00.66] Feeling so anxious, I step in your office
[00:03.95] Hear: "How was your week? How do you feel?" It's hard to be honest
[00:07.21] All I can think about is shutting back down
[00:10.47] What's wrong with me? I should be better by now
[00:14.21] You tell me be patient, that it'll be worth it
[00:17.70] All the suppression, session by session, pulled to the surface
[00:21.07] All of the demons through the years I've bottled up
[00:24.19] But I'm exhausted, and the past is too much
[00:28.07] I'm not ready, it's too heavy
[00:31.23] I'm not ready
[00:33.22] Why is healing so hard?
[00:36.58] And why does numb feel like my only friend?
[00:40.06] 'Cause when I swallow my scars
[00:43.84] Then I don't have to feel it all again
[00:47.17] I'm so tired of tearing the trauma back open
[00:51.52] Am I better off, better off broken?
[01:02.07] I don't wanna breathe deep, I'm tired of mindful
[01:05.39] When even the smallest things in my life are making me spiral
[01:08.96] I had no say, inherited a hemorrhaged heart
[01:12.36] It's so unfair that every day is this hard
[01:15.74] I wanna be normal for so many reasons
[01:19.34] Like, I'll never have the time that I need for anger and grieving
[01:22.70] Basic functioning's becoming such a chore
[01:26.18] What would I be like if they cared a little more?
[01:29.44] I'm not ready, it's too heavy
[01:32.99] Stop pushing me, just let me be empty
[01:38.13] Why is healing so hard? (so hard, so hard)
[01:42.38] And why does numb feel like my only friend?
[01:45.02] 'Cause when I swallow my scars (my scars, my scars)
[01:48.17] Then I don't have to feel it all again
[01:52.16] I'm so tired of tearing the trauma back open
[01:57.27] Am I better off, better off broken?
[02:03.02] 'Cause fifty minutes every week is not enough for what I need
[02:09.96] To give me evidence, I'll shake my skeletons
[02:17.03] I know you say these thoughts are liars
[02:20.22] But I don't wanna live this tired
[02:23.75] With very little proof and everything to lose
[02:30.81] I'm scared; you're getting sick of me
[02:33.81] So, tell me honestly
[02:36.61] Why is healing so hard?
[02:40.32] And why does numb feel like my only friend?
[02:43.33] 'Cause when I swallow my scars
[02:47.69] I don't have to feel
[02:50.38] Why is healing so hard? (so hard, so hard)
[02:54.47] And why does numb feel like my only friend?
[02:57.06] 'Cause when I swallow my scars (my scars, my scars)
[03:00.90] Then I don't have to feel it all again
[03:04.44] I'm so tired of tearing the trauma back open
[03:08.75] Am I better off, better off broken?
[03:17.16] Am I better off broken?
[03:24.19] Better off broken?
[03:29.69] Am I better off, better off broken?
[03:37.21]